Meeting hot women isn’t rocket surgery, but it’s amazing how many blokes get the basics wrong.
By pick-up coach Phil Parkinson and staff.
Before I got into fitness training, I used to offer a different kind of training. Every weekend, I’d hold workshops in which I’d teach guys from all over Europe the skills required to meet and attract women. Along the way, I learned quite a bit about women, the best of which, I’ll share with you now.
1 Get your house in order
Make the best out of your appearance — hardly groundbreaking advice, I know, but you’d be surprised how many men think this unnecessary. First impressions count. Who’s going to get further in an interaction?
A plump, pasty guy with a militant side parting and the only thing worse than his breath is the two-piece electric-blue tracksuit he’s sporting? Or the lean, muscular, tanned guy with the funky hair, who just happens to be wearing a stylish tailored suit?
Here’s what you need to look at…
There is no excuse for being out of shape. Eat clean, smash the weights, have a psycho cardio plan and read Men’s Fitness.
There’s a good reason why the global tanning market is worth hundreds of millions. A tan is considered attractive. It makes you look healthy and outdoorsy. So get a little sun every day. Just a little. It’s good for vitamin D production and will dull that anaemic winter glow. Beware the fake tan that makes you look like chicken tikka. It’s fake, and women will immediately see you the same way.
Stop being tight; go to an expensive hairdresser. The little Italian guy in the bolthole next to the railway station is never going to give you what you need for 20 bucks. Experiment with different styles; do the same with products. Use gel. One way to ensure the love train gets derailed is to sport a mop that looks like a bird’s nest. And while we’re on the subject of hair, make sure you do some man-scaping down below.
Women don’t have a monopoly on dress sense. Like anything, it’s a learnable skill. Take an interest in clothes, spend more time in clothes shops, check out what well-dressed celebs are wearing and take well-dressed female friends with you when you shop.
How many times have you seen a girl you like in a bar or supermarket and done absolutely nothing about it? It happens to us all. Approaching a stranger and starting a conversation can be terrifying. You’re never going to completely eradicate the fear, but there are things you can do to keep it under control. Approach a lot. Every time you do it, the next one gets that little bit easier.
So when you find yourself riddled with anxiety, heart rate through the roof and butterflies doing Zumba in your gut, remember this eternal truism: “The guy who doesn’t approach will always get nothing.” What is the worst that can happen?
I think you know what the best is, so suck it up and get the hell in there. Approach as if the continuation of your genes depends upon it — it does.
A conversation always starts with an opener. Say something scripted, situational, ask for an opinion or just say hello. Anything to get the ball rolling. Don’t get too hung up on what line you use; it can be pretty much anything. It’s everything after the opener that determines the outcome.
3 Don’t be a pussy
In the early stages of an interaction, women hold all the power. Men have to establish their credentials quickly. From the moment you utter the first hello, the pick-up clock is ticking. You’re in a race to find common ground. That could be the Rugby World Cup, 17th century French poetry or GSP’s diet. Study her and go all The Mentalist on her. If she’s fit, where does she train? She’s got an iPhone 4s. Is she a tech geek? She’s got a tatt. What’s it signify? From there, move from subjects fluidly, probing for her hot buttons — subjects she’s passionate about.
Women are attracted to confident, alpha-type males, not doormats. At the same time, women don’t like arrogant, chauvinistic arseholes either.
At this stage, the temptation to be fawning is powerful. Behave like a spineless weasel — agreeing with whatever she says — and you’ll crash and burn. Women are attracted to confident, alpha-type males, not doormats. At the same time, women don’t like arrogant, chauvinistic arseholes.
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) uses the term “frame” to describe the overlying context of a social interaction. If you have a stronger frame than the person you are talking to, then they will operate within your reality or belief system. Women are attracted to men with a strong frame.
So how do you present a strong frame? Believe in yourself. Acknowledge her opinions, but hold your own.
4 Read between the lines
Generally speaking, women are more adept at the subtlety of emotional exchanges, while men are rational, logical and pragmatic. The difference creates the illusion, to men, that women say one thing and mean another, while to women, men appear non-communicative.
Rarely will a woman say outright she likes you; she will show you with her actions. She will play with her hair, ask questions about your life, stand closer or start to touch you. Sometimes her actions will show you she likes you even before she knows it herself. A woman’s actions are a far more powerful indicator than her speech. Even if she doesn’t appear to be interested, watch her body language.
If you pick up non-verbal signs, start to mimic them. Touch her arm lightly, lean in closer: send the signal back that you’re connecting. Now…
You need to demonstrate why you’re attracted to her. Whenever she says or does something you like, let her know. It can be a quality she demonstrates, something she says, or a physical attribute. This is the art of the compliment, otherwise known as “qualification”.
The secret to a good compliment is to be genuine. If she has a nice figure, tell her. (Don’t do it while staring at her breasts.) If she is a good talker, tell her she’s interesting. If you are doing it because you have been told to do so by a guy in Men’s Fitness, you will come across as insincere. Girls will sense this and blow you off. Genuine qualification makes her feel good and it raises your value by sub-communicating that you have standards; standards she has met.
6 Take the lead
Leading demonstrates confidence. It’s an extremely masculine thing to do. Women like men who take charge. But be careful: lead too much and you might come across as controlling.
Lead verbally. If she asks: “What do you want to do?” tell her the truth. Don’t say: “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” That’s weak, and weakness is unattractive. “I would like to spend some more time with you alone” might be forward, but it’s the truth. It also has a double meaning. It could mean a perfectly innocent date another time or some steamy fun back at your place.
Lead physically. If she says, “Me too, let’s get out of here,” don’t sit there gobsmacked, disbelieving that you’ve actually pulled. Stand up, take her hand and then walk towards the door. Don’t look back — it’s needy. Be gentle but dominant; she will come. She will also feel a hot shot of sexual attraction, because she is being led by a man she is attracted to physically and mentally.
Men invite women into their world; they don’t change their worlds to suit women.
What Are You Waiting For?
Although they’re diverse in many ways, women are all wired the same. They have the same attraction switches inside of them. Turn enough on and she’ll find you attractive.
These qualities will flick her switches: confidence, physical attraction, socially intelligent, sexual, sense of humour and interesting. Neediness and desperation kill attraction.
Although it looks like magic, smooth seduction is a physical process just like building muscle. Women want to be seduced.
Women don’t think to themselves, “I would love to get a bloody good seducing today,” but the desire to find a partner is hard-wired in their biological make-up. If you hit the right attraction switches in the right order, then you’ll hit the jackpot.
Most single women dream of meeting an attractive, strong man who has the balls to lead from the hello to the bedroom. There’s no reason that you can’t be that man.