What sort of sex life do you want? Hot and steamy? A Beginner’s Guide to Tantric Sex
The house is empty, the candles are lit and there’s no place else the two of you have to be. In other words, the stage is set for a night of wild, hair-pulling, bed-thumping, no-holds-barred sex. On the other hand, you could have 10 minutes of doing it, get all tuckered out, and spend the rest of the evening snoozing in front of the late news.
Your choice, mate. If the former option sounds a lot more inviting than the latter, you can make it happen. Select your favourites from the following menu of options, and you’ll be loving her until the cows come home, until pigs fly, or at least until the late-night movie comes on.
GET SOME NIGHTLY VARIETY
Let’s get one thing out of the way to start with: having straight sex for hours and hours sounds good in theory, but in practice it would be hell. “You can’t have intercourse all night long – and if you did, you’d be very, very sore,” says Dr Marty Klein, a sex therapist who is the publisher of an online newsletter, SexualIntelligence.org.
“What’s more, most women don’t want intercourse for hours on end, either.” Although, he adds slyly, some probably wouldn’t mind being pleasured with certain other methods for almost that long.
In fact, there are plenty of ways other than intercourse to round out a long session of lovemaking. And if you’re looking for an all-night lovefest, you’ll get a lot further by varying your positions and incorporating different forms of affection.
Klein suggests supplementing with such alternatives as “mouths, fingers, massage, blindfolds, bathing together, and telling each other stories”. You might even have so much fun that you forget about the intercourse part – although we kind of doubt it.
Don’t schedule a tough workout session for right before a night of sex, or you may find yourself sidelined with muscle soreness by midnight.
BOOST YOUR SEXUAL FITNESS
Does the phrase “The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak” mean anything to you? Simply holding up your body (or hers)
for long periods of time can be exhausting. And while changing positions can help, eventually your muscles will simply give out if they aren’t properly trained.
Strengthening all your major muscle groups will help you with the support and, er, moving factors in sex, but chest, shoulders, arms and abs are particularly important.
Push-ups and bench presses will help you hold yourself up missionary-style, while ab crunches can help keep you swinging through the night.
Don’t schedule a tough workout session for right before a night of sex, or you may find yourself sidelined with muscle soreness by midnight. If nothing else, avoid brutal leg-training sessions.
If you’re getting winded before you and your partner are ready to quit, regular aerobic workouts will improve your endurance.
And since a recent Stanford University study related aerobic capacity to life span, performing cardio consistently could grant you two of mankind’s fondest wishes: better sex and longer life.
Thirty minutes to an hour a day – at a minimum, three times a week of biking, running, hiking or playing sports will increase the likelihood of both.
LEARN TO LAST
There’s really no such thing as being “too fast”, Klein says. “The historic definition of rapid ejaculation was coming sooner than your partner more than 50 percent of the time, but this is an outdated idea, since most women don’t orgasm through intercourse anyway. But I do talk to guys who come faster than they want to, and they can be helped.”
If you’re worried about premature ejaculation – that is, if you never last more than a couple of minutes – you could consult a certified sex therapist. But even if you don’t have a problem, you probably wouldn’t mind having a little more control over your responses.
The easiest way to learn restraint is by practising on your own – you know what we mean. Every time you find yourself peaking, slow down a little. The more you do this, the easier it will become to hold back when you’re having sex with your partner.
When you are in the middle of a hot session with your bedmate, ask her to slow things down when you’re nearing your breaking point.
Don’t follow the old wives’ tale of trying to think of something unsexy – say, Aunt Bertha in a tank top. All this does is lessen the connection you have with your partner, and maybe even cause you to lose your erection.
Take slow, deep breaths when you find yourself getting too excited. (Have her do this too so you both can enjoy the sensation.)
This will give you more self-control and gradually teach you to last as long as you want.
GIVE REPEAT PERFORMANCES
Yes we’re talking about multiple orgasms. Just about any man can have sex more than once in a night, it merely involves waiting out the “refractory period” – the interval during which your body revs itself up again for another go (which naturally increases with age).
According to Klein, there’s no physical way to shorten that period, but keep in mind that it isn’t merely a physical process – the sooner you get turned on again mentally, the sooner your body is likely to follow suit. (In fact, research on mice has found that males who seemed spent following intercourse regained their potency immediately when exposed to a new sexual partner.) Go back to the kind of looking, touching and talking that got you turned on in the first place – without trying to rush things – and you might be ready for a repeat performance sooner than you expected.
What about non-ejaculatory multiple orgasms, similar to the female kind? According to sex researcher Beverly Whipple, a professor of nursing, a few men can have them naturally, but for most this requires training and effort. Some guys spend years learning tantric sex, a spiritual practice that involves retaining one’s seed and, apparently, listening to Sting albums. But if you care to try, and she’s willing to experiment, you can accomplish something similar with simple muscle control.
First, do Kegel exercises – that is, strengthen your pubococcygeal muscles (the ones you use to keep from peeing) by contracting them for two to 10 seconds several times whenever you remember to throughout the day.
After a few weeks of this, put your efforts to use. When you’re about to orgasm, scrunch down hard on your newly strengthened muscles, hold your breath and – here’s the tantric part – feel the sexual energy rise up from your groin, through your back, till it goes above your head.
Eventually, you’ll learn to achieve “whole-body”, non-ejaculatory orgasms that don’t sap your mojo.
If you come to enjoy this, you may find yourself studying tantric practices and listening to Sting albums for hours at a time – don’t say we didn’t warn you.
A Beginner’s Guide to Tantric Sex
- Fields of Gold Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, Sting will be watching you …But forget the creepy old Englishman. Think about neverending sex, full-body orgasms and intimate ecstasy.
- What Is It? The word Tantra means “to manifest, to expand, to show and to weave”. In this context, sex is thought to expand consciousness and to weave together the polarities of male and female into a harmonious whole. (Hot or what?)
- How Does It Work? It extends lovemaking and gives you ultimate control over your ejaculation (“ejaculation mastery” anyone?), so instead of peaking too soon, you can learn to spread that energy throughout your entire body and continue having sex until the cows come home.
- How Do You Do It? There are two basic tantric sex exercises that will help with ejaculation control. One is pelvic muscle exercises and the other is breathing. Master this and “De do-do-do, de da-da-da” is all she’ll want to say to you.
- Where To Learn The Australian School of Tantra conducts seminars throughout the country. australianschooloftantra.com.au